I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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