sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
