I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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