If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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