i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
