your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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