So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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