Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
