Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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