Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
