I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
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We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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