I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
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Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
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She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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