She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
