i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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