thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
