I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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