She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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