she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
My liver just had a heart attack.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
