I think scott just propositioned me for sex
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
