I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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