Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
