I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
