Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
