I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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