i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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