she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize