I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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