my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Found your dick twin last night
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
