It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
sarcasm needs its own font
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
