i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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