My hand turned me down
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
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