she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
