If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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