we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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