I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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