I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
