I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
