1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
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