K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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