All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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