some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
