I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
