Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
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She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
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This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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