Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
