Well apparently he's into motor boating.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
