I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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