Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
