Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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