Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
My room smells like vodka and shame
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
