exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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