no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
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