a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
