If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
