I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
