now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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