smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
