I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
