some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
