I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
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