Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Randomize
