i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
