I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Randomize
