somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
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Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
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Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize