That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
