I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
